By Theo Winter
Something on the lighter side.
Definitions courtesy of the Urban Dictionary.
1) Anti-stalking Methodically learning another person's routine in order to systematically avoid them.
Bradley is anti-stalking his boss today because he hates the guy.
2) Apple Year The amount of time it takes an Apple product to get old, from the day it is purchased. An Apple Year is usually less than one month, although it depends based on the product.
3) Business Casualty When someone wears business casual and it looks horrible.
4) Caffeine Window The daily time slot in which you must have some form of caffeine otherwise you will get a headache. No amount of caffeine after this window will cure the headache. A common ailment of coffee addicts who need their morning fix before they can function properly.
5) Cleptopenia The unconscious theft of Pens.
6) Cough and Call A term used to call in sick from work.
I just wasn't in the mood for people's BS today so I pulled a cough and call.
7) Employee’s Remorse The sudden feeling you get at your new job usually after your initial training is over. It is usually a feeling of dread and sadness.
Trainer: Okies yall, now dut yer trainin is a over grab yer box knives and head out to der floor. Me: OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE Steven: Aha I told you that Employee's Remorse would hit you like a brick.
8) Headhunter A race of subhuman bipedal hominids, slightly above the attorney on the evolutionary ladder, characterised by their constant hounding of you when you are employed, and their ignorance of your existence when you're not.
Damn why did that headhunter call my work number, my boss is freaking out!
9) Job Means by which at least 30% of your life is stolen from you to enrich the owners of a company making useless items.
10) Job 2.0 A Job 2.0 is a job that allows you to have freedom from traditional work schedules and locations. Usually (but not necessarily) something that takes place on the internet and can be done from most anywhere.
"Hey I was thinking it would be fun to spend a few months in Asia.. want to join?" "That sounds like a blast! Thanks to my Job 2.0 as a (programmer | graphic designer | street performer | internet mogul) I can live anywhere. Let's do it!"
11) Law of Inverse Proximity Someone living close to school/uni/work will always be later than someone living far away. The closer they live, the later they will arrive.
12) Managemowned To be owned by upper management at your place of employment.
"He didn't order me a new PC but he did for everyone else in the group... I swear he's out to get me man." "Dude... sounds like you were managemowned."
13) Managerial We When a manager says "we" and means "you."
Bossman: "We need to fix this." Wageslave: "OK, should I set up a meeting for us?" Bossman: "No, just do it. That was the 'managerial we'; I meant 'you' ."
14) Microsoft Minute A unit of time ranging in value from one real-time minute to several hours.
15) Please Advise Corporate jargon for "What The F---".
I have not yet received the Alabama case files I asked you to Send.
16) Reply Hell The blazing inferno that one might inadvertently plunge into by having prolonged email-based correspondence.
17) Studies Show A term used to validate some erroneous claim. Usually the sources of the "studies" are not revealed. People will use the anonymous "studies" as some sort of statistical evidence.
18) Voicemail Voice A more serious, professional tone of voice typically reserved for voicemail greetings. It's often misused in casual, less business-oriented settings.
19) Workacation Taking a vacation in order to get work done in an atmosphere of undisturbed awesomeness.
20) Workache The feeling of pain for being at work, or pain caused from work which includes and not limited to; headache, annoyance, bane, distress, frustration, hassle, inconvenience, irritation, pain in the neck, stress, worry.
21) Workality The personality of a person at work. Can be extremely different than the normal personality.
"Jane's workality is way different than her personality."